Last week was quite dramatic in Topanga. We had an unexpected thunderstorm. Angus and I set out on one of our favorite hiking trails. The sky was an unusual blue silver and we saw flashes of lightning illuminate the sky from afar. There was no rain, but the thunder continued to be louder and louder. Finally Angus said we have to go home. It was moving too close for his comfort. As a teenager he had the memory of being in a metal boat on a lake in the middle of a thunderstorm and didn’t want a replay. I usually like to push the envelope more, but it was getting late, and I was starting to feel hungry so I agreed without any hassle.
I’m glad we did because the storm came forward quickly until the lightning and the lightning crack were almost parallel. We came back home at this point and our whole house shook. It looked like an earthquake. The storm then moved past us slowly into the distance. We got a delicious rain that made this fire season so welcome. I am grateful for the moisture and it is nice to see the green sprouts come out and the cactus flowers bloom naturally in our yellow, orange and brown landscape this time of year.
The thunderbolt reminded me of how emotions can swirl through me and stir me up in my mind. And just like a thunderstorm they are not personal. The energy goes through me and goes on. I can see how it becomes even more painful when I personally take my emotional experience, and I can be quick to connect a story with the energy running through me, often without realizing the feelings but the motivation of the story.
Angus is probably reckless and I don’t notice my feelings. I just run with the fantasy in my mind about what his behavior means. I am weaving a complex tapestry of descriptions of how her low mood will affect me and make my day harder. I have thoughts like, “I don’t have time for his histrionics. Why can’t we just get things done the easy way? ”
I am drawing a picture to match my mood. The gray clouds of my mind are not seen by me. Instead, I see gray clouds outside. They are united. My lightning is my judgment and my lightning is my complaint.
As the storm of emotions swept through me I innocently made money.
What if I don’t? What if one day I have no sense to do? What if all of a sudden I don’t see the clouds outside of me but recognize they are the clouds of my thoughts that are obscuring the sun of my existence.
Won’t it be a day? It may not be in my lifetime. I certainly won’t hold my breath waiting for this. Maybe that’s when hell will freeze.
But it is helpful to know the existence of possibilities. The magic happens. Thoughts can move away and leave me with the pure presence of the present.
There is no need for more than that. The prospects are promising. Even when I’m not so clear, and still innocently making tapestry of my fiction, it’s enough to know that it’s possible to see clearly. I know I weave less. I know I’m more present. I know my heart is more open to myself and others.
Understanding the meaning I make makes my experience help me to hold this precious human experience more lightly and take myself less seriously about my Maya and my stories can be left in the blink of an eye. It is free and hopeful. Even if it never happens in a permanent way, I better go.
If you want to hear Reading Love Podcast, It comes out in serial format. Start with episode 1 for context. Click here to listen. And, if you would like to dive deeper into the understanding I share with additional help, please try Rewilding community.
Rohini Ross is the co-founder of “The Rounders”. Listen to her podcast with her partner Angus Ross, Rewilding love. They believe that many good relationships break up because couples give up thinking that their relationship problems cannot be solved. This season Rewilding love Podcast, Rohini and Angus help a couple on the verge of divorce due to conflict. Angus and Rohini co-facilitated Intensity of individual couples Retreat program Which brings relationships back to the normal state of their love. Rohini is also the author of the ebook Marriage, And he and Angus’s co-founder 29 days revealing experience And Rewilding community.